"Have I lost my life goal?" You mean the momentum.

... ... I was driven that I have to get the initiation, they have advertise that why, or how, I put down everything to deplete my parents resources, you can say that. I need to hang on that. Then one day, there is a comet on the patent. Then one day, we catch right on the time at 74 ending or beginning of one or another choices, I cannot get online. I try to move the year, if I make that year 2000 to becoming a void....I calculate, "I cannot be that right to be right on it" ....those years.

Then I hold on all the way to 78. That is way too much already. 

You go to church? Your local back-up human, you see compassion in their eyes and souls, and starting at your core values, you knew like Pierre and Meghan those back up things in their minds all the time. You are not alone.

I had no hope, but you have the plenty of the hope, they are whites, not Vietanese. No hope in whatsoever context. Someone drives you, someone you needs other than the Enterprise human, you pay and see them showing up on the phone !!!!